The Happy Canucks Send us Good Tidings!

names changed



Look, I understand your jealous that Canada kicks so much more ass then America. Id be pissed too if I had a really awesome neighbour making me look like a schmuck. But the fact is, that if you guys stopped shooting each other, and got a competent leader, you might be able to pull the US out of the craphole it has fallen into. And I know that you think you could invade us really easily because our army stinks, and its true, but think about this. Canadians are scrappy, wiry and some would even say full of piss and vinegar so if you douchebags burst in, with your smart bombs, and your military intelligence, and then we wiped the floors with your Big Mac loving asses, how bad would that make you look. ya, thats what I thought. Show some respect, we burnt your Whitehouse once, we will do it again.

-That Dammed Beaver


Ill make this easy for you.
In a war between the USA and CANADA... the rest of the world would come to CANADAs aid. Even China. Why? Theyre just waiting to fuck with you.

-The International Beaver


try adding the history of the war of 1812....you know...when Canada beat the shit out of the u.s.a. and drove them back and burned the white house.
Or did you fools forget about that.

-The Little Beaver that Could


Hey whats up eh
I think we burned down the white house a while ago, since my small ego figured this out, why havent u put that on your site
Cheers

-A loyal Canadian Beaver


You guys know nothing about canada. We are a way better country then u fags.All what you guys are is stupid fuck yankees and should all fucking die.You invade other countries for fucking oil kill innocent children a women that is so fuckin sad.since i will be writing you stupid americans every day u better make hate mail.

-A MiddleSchool Beaver


word well you guys are wicked now wonder the rest of the world hates you so much. you know maybe instead of spending so much time making this dumb ass site, you should start on another plan to invade a country, to steal their oil oops i meant destroy weapons of mass distruction. good old George Dubbya Bush. hey do you remember about 10 years ago. the states had just got out of a pointless war desert storm, your economy was the shits and your had george bush as president you buys sure know how to pick em. you fuckers have to be the best at every thing, even if it involves using steroids to CHEAT and olympic events, you cheap fucks. at least when we win, we win legitamitly, remember the winter olympics where we beat your sorry assed attempt to get the gold in hockey. you can say what ever you want to stray your ignorant minds from thinking that you really are the best country in the world.

-Beaver as a Second Language


Dont forget that during the War of 1812 a famous building in Washington DC got renamed because Canadians torched it. Its name is the WHITE HOUSE.

-Leave it to Beaver


As a Canadian, I enjoyed your website about the USA invading Canada. Given the fact that Canada has become a wussy nation based on excessive immigration, the depletion of our once proud military, an attempt by the federal government to make all Canadians know French, etc, etc, Id love for the USA to invade my corrupt country. However, I was miffed by the fact that you said Canadians speak French. While its true a sizeable minority speak the language, most of us are, in fact, English speaking.

Have a nice day.

-OUR FAVORITE BEAVER


We, the Canadians, would appreciate it if you wouldnt physically invade us. We are quite happy with our free healthcare, our education system, lower body mass index, and most of all, those ketchup chips that apparently dont exist down South. We already buy enough American brands, watch enough reality TV crap, and act like Americans as it is, so we are somewhat similar. I think at this point I should mention that I ate a moose heart last month, and would gladly tear yours out and eat it if you tried to invade our country.
Invading Canada would also not go over too well with the general population, damn Yankee scum, because the geographic area which youre trying to take over is just too large, sorry. On a side note, if you try to invade Canada, we might be forced to burn down the Whitehouse a second time. Why not continue to pick on a smaller country that you have been overpowering for years

-Untamed Beaver

')
Too bad you dont know how to spell succession, otherwise I might have had a little respect for your site and actually giggled.
Heres a little French for ya, Tu a le tete du merdre
Figure that one out, THEN get back to me.

Not So Successful at English Beaver, Stick to French


Just learn how to spell and you might be successful enough to succeed in making it across the boarder for us to burn your president!

-"Castor", which is French for Beaver


We have received many a complaint from Canadians that do not understand secessionist, click the link.

Also, we have added a translation option to the bottom of the page so you can read it it French if it better suits you.

-The Staff



Thats great, too bad you used it in the wrong tense. The word you were looking for in that case was "successionist", unless of course your sentence structure was poor, and I misunderstood your meaning as a result.

-Stubborn, Stubborn Beaver


Hi. My name is Jim amd I live in Vermont, just south of Canada. I am a soldier in the VT Army National Guard, a tank commander on an M1 "ABRAMS", NOT "ABRAHAMS" tank, and I can tell you that we Vermont tankers have spent decades dreaming of that fast armoured drive into Montreal and Quebec. We KNOW that our 2 battalions of tanks could take them fast, we would make "Shock and Awe" look like kids in the sandbox.
Plus we have the elite 344th Drivers Education Company, composed of the best bilingual drivers ed teachers in the nation, to get those Quebecois drivers up to standard once we own their cities - and especially, their strip joints.
If you ever need an inside route to having a thousand screaming M1 tankers and their 100 howling steel chariots on the team, let me know.
PS The site is a riot. Thanks.

-Beavernator Jim


hey stupid merican,
basketball was invented by a CANADIAN!! do some research you twit. and only those bastards in Quebec speak French, the rest of us all hate them. you see, weve been hating the French for centuries, you idiots only figured out they are dicks last year. stop copying everything we do! oh yeah, we all hate that French cunt celine dion, we sent her south of the border just to get rid of her, you musical retards made her a star.

-The Beaver-Ball star of Canadi


I am a Canadian living in the U.S. I mean, I still root for the Canadians in the Olympics and stuff, but the country is really just a whiney wuss haven. So, Im kind of torn on the "Invade Canada" idea. It might help a lot if Canada got a bitchslap from the U.S, cause they have been biting the hand that feeds them for a long time. But without a sovereign Canada, the Winter Olympics would be a lot less fun to watch. You can see the quandry I am in.
Canadians define themselves by comparing themselves to the U.S. Canada has a noble history, but anything admirable really eroded away in the last few decades. They take advantage of the protection provided by the U.S., and then weakly snipe at the U.S. from behind the sheild. They are driven by a raging inferiority complex. Classic small dog who likes to yap at the big dog. Because they can not compete with the U.S. head to head, they elect to define themselves as the opposite of whatever the U.S. does.
They argue that the fact that the government forces "diversity", or the utter lack of unifying culture, on them is a strength. They asininely contend that liberal political opinions are part of being Canadian. "Free speech" is centrally orchestrated and govenmentally protected, to the extent it is consistent with the approved ideals of "democracy, diversity, and tolerance", no firmly held convictions allowed, unless you are an iconoclast, Francophone, or racial or religious minority. Because the U.S. does not have to kiss their collective ass, Canadians complain about the alleged smug superiority of Americans. And on this basis, ironically, they believe themselves to be superior to Americans.
I love Canada, but god, it sucks. It is really unnecessary to invade it. They will not fight back. They will just write angry letters and vote to raise taxes. I suggest the U.S. just ignore Canada and not dignify its whining for awhile. Canadians will go mental, and riot in the streets just to get some attention. Ottawa will beg the U.S. to help restore order, and the U.S. will agree to help on the condition that Canada join the Union. Couple more weeks of ignoring them, followed by a series of compliments regarding their clean streets and lovely national anthem, and they will do anything the U.S. asks.
To preserve the dignity of the Winter Olympics, however, Canada should be made a "Dominion," rather than a State, with a right to send its own contingent of curlers and hockey players.

-A Good ol Beaver Gone South to Warmer Weather


I am a french speaking person
I live in Quebec
As you see we make effort to speak good english, american as you say
I just want to let you know that your french traduction is very poor and bad and instead of laughing at us you should beging by knowing more about us.
We love america and hope you love us.
"God bless america"
and dont forget. I dont know anybody how have a beaver in is backward.

-We love you Beaver! (We just do not always understand you)


Quit trying to trick us, we know you are canadian for real, you are too nice!

-Silly Beaver, tricks are for kids!


There is a reason the continent is called North America and not North Canada

I realize your page is a spoof, but I am always looking for an opportunity to be a know it all and you do have a fanmail section I can use as a sounding board. And, having been on a similar Canadian page where actual Canadians take invasion seriously, well I can only assume that there are some Americans and stupid as some Canadians, who have come out in full force with the whole success or secess thing, I recommend just using "want to see other people".
So, begin lesson. America technically equals North America and South America. Hence "The United States of America". But "the states" and "the U.S." do not sound very poetic. Hence, the United States of America is shortened to "America". Canada was once officially "British North America" but, like Americans, it didnt sound very poetic, so Canada was tacked on to give it some identity and years later we became officially Canada. No one is happier about it than Molson.
Why not just have some sort of Idol contest, your prez versus our PM. We give them a list of songs and whoever best shakes his bonbon like Britney wins and gets the entire continent, and the new national anthem is that tearjerker first single. Its cheaper than launching an invasion and by far more amusing for all involved.

-Beaver that likes Bushs BonBon


We do not have to burn your whitehouse again, we have already done it once. Get over the basketball thing, and make cooler shirts, like these http://www.cafeshops.com/canadawear. I hope the whitehouse burns again, and i hope people use your coupons to buy good stuff instead of your invade crap.

-Beaver Gets a Plug, Yay Beaver!


http://www.cbc.ca/MRL/clips/mondayreport/ontario.rm
Best Regards eh?
Linz

-Stoney Beaver!


This is a marvelous, stunning leap of imagination; it is akin to telling the American people we intend to put a man on the Moon before the heathen Soviet beast. Laying claim to Canada would be a burst of generosity and helpfulness for the USA. Look at all the disadvantages of living in the Great North:
Health Care - you've got free health care, sure, but do you really want a doctor that works for free?
Money - Does anyone even know the Canadian currency? Doesn't pretty much everywhere accept US dollars as a defacto? Plus, their coins aren't round, which is just weird. They shouldn't be stuck with a third-world currency not even as well known as the rupee.
TV - they already watch our stations, and does anyone watch Canadian TV? Of course not. It combines the bad aspects of the BBC and the French National station. Dammit, these people need the Simpsons to get them into the modern world!
Great site, and brilliant idea!

-Beaver uses Hyperbole


Hey. I was reading some of the mail that those retarded Canadians were sending you and many of them claimed that they burned Washington in the War of 1812. They didn't. The BRITISH did on August 24, 1814. Stop claiming you did anything special because you didn't. ALL CANADIANS ARE WORTHLESS. And their beef sucks a nut. USA biatches!

-Beef Eating Beaver


You guys know nothing about canada. We are a way better country then u fag's.All what you guys are is stupid fuck yankees and should all fucking die.You invade other countries for fucking oil kill innocent children a women that is so fuckin sad.since i will be writing you stupid americans every day u better make hate mail.
SO TO FINISH OFF FUCK YOU DUMB FUCKING YANKEE AMERICAN YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

-Beaver needs a Xanax


First of all I would like to point out that i am not actually canadian, I am British so i from the Mother Country of both of you, and we ruled over both of your countries.
And if you take no note of this e-mail, well your just sad and aren't prepared to meet your faults, and you will fail to invade Canada, Maybe Leaders that have not listened to people have failed and also the other way round.
You may say you gained indepedence from us, but truely we gave it to you, in truth.
You should not down the French either, Even though they are wimps, they basically won you the war, You simply would of been totally crushed and that is FACT.
You wouldn't of had no Navy to protect yourselves except from some petty fishing boats, that you might try and dent our ships, But our Ship's Cannons would blast them out of the sea.
The French gave you supplies, fought with you, gave you a navy.
You are all American Immigrants, Native Americans were the real settlers and you kick them out, of their own land, Is that fair? We drew the border with the Native Americans keeping a firm seperation, to prevent violence and not to disurb their culture, But Greedy "American" Economists wanted to expand and take the orginal settlers lands.
Time to run through your points
"It's been done before
(And we're not just talking about those South Park kids or John Candy.)
You know if it wasn't for Benedict Arnold (Yup, the traitor of later) losing a key battle in the Revolutionary War, Canada would probably be a part of the U.S. (But much like New Jersey, we probably wouldn't want it)."
American wasn't really important to us, in Colony status. You were just a big tea plantation.
Canada Has Stuff!
First off, let's make Alaska actually connected to the U.S. again! Those Alaskan folks are always getting screwed by not being part of the "continental 48 states". Let's give them a nice little bridge downstairs. A little bit of farmland never hurt anything either, but forget the permafrost part. Canada is the second largest country in the world, let's fix that.
It's not about size it's about whats in it what matters.
If Christmas ever fails to come, the Canucks did it
The magnetic north pole is within the Canadian border. We must protect Santa Claus!
Don't you think Santa is safe under Canadian Protection? He hasn't failed yet.
They're just a little too proud
Perhaps if they didn't think it was so cool to live in "Diet America" we wouldn't need to invade them, but with people like this guy and these people thinking that Canada is the coolest thing since sliced bread, we need to do our part to keep them in their place. There's a reason the continent is called "North America" and not "North Canada".
This is a very weak point, Don't you think you are too proud? Sure? Well you are, Your too proud to know, America isn't a Country it's what is called a "Continent". If Canada invaded the US like that, I'm sure the US would be called "Southern Canada".
It's possible
Why go to the moon? Because it's there. Same with Canada, it's just colder than the moon.
Incorrect, The Moon Mean Temperture is -23 C
(http://www.asi.org/adb/02/05/01/surface-temperature.html), While i clicked on a random location in canada and the lowest temperature was -6.2 C (
http://www.worldclimate.com/cgi-bin/data.pl?ref=N43W079+1202+0009910G2 ) Invading Canada
Your plan is not fully defined, you haven't accounted for the terrian or anything, weather conditions or anything of the sort, you said you self INCORRECTLY that it is colder than the moon, Attacking from all sides might be a good idea of course..But then the everyone else would just go in and blow you up, and you would be even more in trouble with the UN.
Military Comparisions:
Yes, they have a smaller, Army, But nothing accounts for knowledge of the area, and pre-planned commuication. You don't know where they are going to hit, but they are always watching you. They will strike when they choose, The United States relays too heavily on technology, Rather than anything else.
I know you may be thinking i am taking it all too seriously, but i just felt like writing a article to waste my time.
I suppose it's similar to the English > Welsh Relation (Welsh Shag Sheep!)

-Beaver, you get props; beaver props, but props none-the-less.


Hey
Whoever wrote this site is hillarious. I'm Canadian... but secretly, I wish I was American. Damn free health care... and French people? Qu'est que c'est ca?
ANyways... nice work on the site.
Peace out

-Ellis Island Beaver


I Agree lets get those Canada people!

-Eager Beaver


I am canadian and all this crap about canadians burning down things and the USA killing things is still besides the point the white house was burnt down like a million years ago sence then the US bought a stealth bomber that can wipe out our capital and all we go was more horses. i mean comon. where would we retreat to the northwest territory yeah and then we would all die form the cold. smooth fellow moose heads. if they invaded us we wouldnt no what hit us we would stand at the boarder and great them with hugs while they opened fire and we would cry like little girls. I am so tired of listing to my bitter fellow canadians bark about how tough we are and how we could beat the crap out of canada. we still have the queen of england on our coins but i thought we got over england 1000 years ago. i guess we didnt. england is our pimp and we are its whore US help us and invade

-That's My Beaver!


you should yse what little remaining brain(?) power you have to figuring how your ugly grasping will serve you when your bubble bursts. You've been invaded and overcome by stupidity.

-Beaver(?)


our beer is better. our women are more attractive. our currency looks cooler. our air is fresher. and lastly we have way less crime because its so cold even the niggers turn white.

-NeoBeaver? Bad, bad.


yeah, try to invade us, we can let you get the english part of canada (you're making us a favor to get us rid of the ontarians) Quebec won't let stupid obese Americans tant can't do nothing more than drink beer and look stupid to the rest of the world.

-Tainted Beaver


Gun crazy asses. Go watch Bowling for Columbine to show how arrogant and idiotic you are. Americans suck.

-Brainwashed by Michael "Fat-@$$" Moore Beaver


To the creator(s) of this site,
Iím a bit confused as to why you are shitting on Canada. Donít you Americans already have enough worries with a foreign policy that allows your government to remove your rights and become a predator nation that starts resource wars? This supposed ďwar on terrorĒ is nothing more than a means for which the U.S can hoard even more resources for itís already fattened population and military budget, or was it the bloated ego that a majority of Americanís have?
Tell me what makes modern America so great? Is it the constant threat of terrorism? The fact that for decades, your hypocritical government has financially supported coups against democratic leaders, thus ensuring that soon-to-be-in-power factions will provide oil rights for the U.S? Does this not seem against everything that your country allegedly stands for? Your country claims to be the international bastion of democracy, and yet it seems that economic profit outweighs everything, including morality. Maybe what makes America so great is the fact that gun violence is so high. Maybe if you guys could actually elect a president effectively, then a despot moron like George Bush wouldnít be the most powerful man on the planet. He dilutes the American publicsí views of the world by blaming everything on terrorist, taking the heat off of his obvious lack of leadership and competence. And another thing, are American pilots who bomb peaceful Afghan settlements better than al-Qaeda terrorists who bring down skyscrapers? Innocent people are victims in both cases.
I am not anti-American; many of my friends are American, and I was horrified to see what happened on Sept. 11. I support what it means to be American. Free speech, true democracy, etc. These used to be the foundations of your once great nation. Tell me what makes your nation so great now? And donít say military might, fast food, rock & roll or any other clichť, half-assed remark that would come from a typical American with a superiority complex. I find myself struggling to point out one good aspect of the contemporary United States.
And Americanís wonder why their country is so disliked. I hope you seriously step back and look at how wrong it is to be making a site like this. Do you not see that attitudeís like the one expressed on this site (joke or not) are only perpetuating the growing hatred toward the U.S. Judging from your site, I know that you donít care about what the world thinks, but itís time to wake up jackass! Itís this resultant hatred that causes events like 9/11.
Iím sure this email will be disregarded and labeled as some dribble from a stupid Canuck. But you will only be proving my point by not admitting that this whole site is fucking ridiculous.
You Americanís are only fucking yourselves over by being so blind to the rest of the world. In the future you Americanís might be preoccupied with bigger problems than making jokes about Canada, one of its few true friends and largest trading partner.
Sincerely,

-Overly Touchy Beaver


Personally, having soldiered with the Canadien Princess Patricia Brigade. I think they should invade us. Then the FDA wouldn't have a reason for financing the big DRUG Corporations!

-Vast Conspiracy Beaver


Damn candaians think we went to iraq for oil but those bastards r stupid, our oil prices r actually rising so if those damn bastards think we went in for oil they are wrong, Bush went to get out Saddam and now we got him and we stay cuz them iraqis r not ready to be left alone yet and they r not trained enuff so go fuck ursleves u gay beavers

-Paying out the Beaver


Hello "Invade Canada", There were a few laughs in this piece, just a few. I think it's funny, tho, that the US wants Canada so badly. And why wouldn't they, eh?? Canada rocks! And for no other reason than it's NOT the USA. Cheers, A former American, now a VERY happy Canadian for 27 years!
P.S. Ever watch The Red Green Show? You'd like it, but perhaps wouldn't understand the Canadian-ism's in it. But my brotherinlaw in NJ likes it.... then again, he's from Jersey!

-Multicolored Beaver?


The last time you tried to invade Canada (1812) you got your ass kicked and we burned down your White House. So, proceed with caution.

-Broken-Record-Beaver


That's the best idea I've heard all day! Let's do it!

-Building the Better Beaver


And this comes from guys, who probably like (demented) Jerry Springer? :)
I feel sorry for you guys, canadians at least stil have democracy, which you lost (not completely) during the "reign" of George Sauron Bush.

-Bea-Ver! Bea-Ver! Bea-Ver!


Im a Canadian living in North Carolina, I've been here for about 8 years now. I got a real kick out of your site, really funny stuff. Im a little unimpressed by all the other "Canadians" who posted though, you'd think they would have a sense of humor! I mean, a lot of the best comedians come from Canada, so you think they could take a joke. Props to you on an interesting idea, but you forget one thing, we look like you. It would be like fighting another Vietnam,(only colder) you wouldn't know whose on your side. And if your going to attack, I'd say forget Saskatchewan and concentrate on southern Ontairo, 33% of our population lives there, its warmer. But I suppose if you attacked, I'd have to pack up and go home to defend my country at all costs. Im proud of my country and who I am. But don't invade, I don't feel like driving 15 hours to Toronto. All and all, funny site, great fun, I sent the link to my relatives, lol. By the way, you can have Quebec, we don't like the French anyways! YOU DEAL WITH THEM! eh?

-So you gotta ask yourself, Beaver, do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, Beaver?


first of all, yes canada has stuff. more stuff than the us does. WE'RE TOO PROUD?? i don't think so. all anyone ever talks about is how proud the americans are and how it sickens them. we didnt steal your basketball teams, seeing as a canadian INVENTED THE SPORT! we do play nicely with each other. and maybe we fight a little with eachother, but at least we dont fight with EVERY other country there is. we are proud of our seasons. sure we may say eh, but at least its not as rude as "huh?". we pronounce our words right. and if we sew our flag on our backpacks and go to other countries, we are highly respected, unlike others...our army may not be as great as yours, but rabid beavers are pretty scary if you ever see one. it is pronounced ZED. not zee. this is THE END. for now.

-Huh Beaver?


LOL! This site is the best one I have ever seen.... My friends are always making fun of me for being american and I live in canada so when i showed this to them they shut up!

-Come home Beaver-lite!


The idea of the US ivading canada sounds very appealing to me since I'm a second class citizen in my own country. Please don't wait to long.

-Beaver, we don't get it, but ok!


There's only two things in this world I can't stand. People who are intolerant of other peoples cultures... and Canandians.

-Beaver deciever


impressive plan, however our hidden assest will come into play. We are loved the world over and the Us is hated the world over. Match that manpower, yankees! Not one step on our soil

-Beaver we haven't been called "yankees" since the 1950's


Im a Canadian living in North Carolina, I've been here for about 8 years now. I got a real kick out of your site, really funny stuff. Im a little unimpressed by all the other "Canadians" who posted though, you'd think they would have a sense of humor! I mean, a lot of the best comedians come from Canada, so you think they could take a joke. Props to you on an interesting idea, but you forget one thing, we look like you. It would be like fighting another Vietnam,(only colder) you wouldn't know whose on your side. And if your going to attack, I'd say forget Saskatchewan and concentrate on southern Ontairo, 33% of our population lives there, its warmer. But I suppose if you attacked, I'd have to pack up and go home to defend my country at all costs. Im proud of my country and who I am. But don't invade, I don't feel like driving 15 hours to Toronto. All and all, funny site, great fun, I sent the link to my relatives, lol. By the way, you can have Quebec, we don't like the French anyways! YOU DEAL WITH THEM! eh?

-Mike Meyers is a Beaver


Shit! Does that mean we have to learn Spanish and study ebonics too?

-Fo Shizza My Beava


And I thought to myself... there could be something to this invasion idea. While we Canadians are a proud and happy people, we are so very very cold. What we wouldn't give for a little Yankee warmth. Yes, just what would we give, I asked myself. A carefully crafted collaborative displacement may be just the thing! The Yanks can have our West, our Centre, and our Maritimes (Quebec and the Praries too if they so wish). We will acquiesce to their desire to re- unite the secluded state of Alaska. In return, they will certainly sacrifice Hawaii's pertroleum-free shores for our new, proud Canadi nation. It will be glorious! A darker, sun-kissed Canadi people will aww the international community with our rugged looks and our carefree lifestyles. Added to our already superior beer-tolerance and our peace-loving natures, we will be at our finest hour. Maybe we could even bring a beaver or two.

-"Tan" Beavers once they're dead, right?


Gee remember Canada's national game of hockey? They lucked out at last Olympics but what about the NHL? While they may get a few Canadian teams in the playoffs this year (hard to keep everybody out), by the Stanley Cup Finals (or semi's or quarterfinals), Hockey Night in Canada Won't Be!!

-Beavers don't play hockey


Lets face it, Canada has all of the good mountain-biking spots, and truthfully, getting over there is a hassel that I don't want to have to go through. Take it over, let me bike, the country is happy. Even Brandon Freaosidgaweo whatever his name is said that in 'Bedazzled'. All we want is to be happy...

-Beaver watches Bedazzled... bad taste Beaver, bad taste.


Yeah, me and a friend thought up a war in which the US annexes Canada. But only a few weeks ago did I find out about this site. Brilliant work, and props all around to you. Except for leaving them the northern lands, I'd like to take it all. I even have a speech to start the war. It's a ripoff of President Eisenhower's speech from WWII, but it's all good.

-Beaver wants to hear the speech!


you guys don't even have a name for your country. you are just the "united states" of america. you're not even a real country. you're just jealous of us. why don't you just call yourselves "some sorta neighbour states of North America"?

-Just call him "Short Furry Creature Located Farther North than America"


I AM AMERICAN Wassup... I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked. And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well. I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg, Although I'm pretty sure they weren't American. I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated, and Guns settle disputes, not discussions. Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing, And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere. Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS, Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast, I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL! The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world, The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE, And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!! My name is Bubba Ray Jim-Bob... Married to my Cousin AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!

-The original wasn't funny either Beaver


Ok, too funny. You guys really have alot of time on your hands. But really, why invade Canada? Why not Mexico where there is cheap labour and warmer temperatures? Many American companies folded up and headed south when NAFTA came into being so you all ready have financial interest there and one foot in the door. Besides, aren't the Mexicans always trying to sneak into the States illegally? Invading Mexico seems to be a much wiser move because THEY WANT TO BE AMERICANS! Please just leave us alone and let "what it means to be a Canadian" remain a mystery to you. (there's those darn nice Canadian manners!) Belive me, your ignorance of Canada is as entertaining to us as it is to you. Thanks for including the Molson ads, they're still awesome after all this time. Keep up the good humour. (oops - Queen's English, sorry. Oh shit, there's those darn manners again!)

-Beaver's Queen


To our would-be Yankee-doodle conquerers. Be advised that all Canadian provinces have residency requirements beofore you can apply for welfare.

-Beaver on the 'dole


hey you fools,
didn't you know that it's impolite to invade a superior nation? I mean after all if you can't beat us in hockey for the gold medal then how can you invade us? Fuckin fools!
Remember that we are vastly superior intellect wise and that you despite repeated attempts you can't brew a beer that's any good. Why the hell you Americans drink "light" beer anyway? You pussies can't handle real man's beer?
Anyway have fun you fools. Realize that we is gonna kick your ass eh.
US of Eh the 4th Canadian Territory.

-No comment Beaver, no comment necessary.


That bitch doesn't sing "patriotic" music. She doesn't consider herself Canadian - she says she's Quťbecoise. Whatever, she still sucks. This site is funny.

-Fine, Beaver, then we don't claim Michael Jackson.


U.S could'nt take Canada then..The U.S couldn't do now... Back bone we will show you back bone and how to break yours.... Being the bully of the world just shows how spineless you realy are...

-I have a Dream, that one day, little dumb Beavers...


it just proves how uneducated you are. 1st of all it's called North America b/c America is a uniformed name for the two continents in the eastern part of the world. In fact everyone who lives in both S.America and N. American are considered American, you guys are just to stupid to know that. You are the Unted States of American, which means u reside in America, you dumb fuck! We invented Basketball so it's really our game just like Hockey. Keep you gay baseball we dont want it. Finally were not all french in fact majority are of U.K. ancestry, and dont forget the Common Wealth does own your bitch asses! HAHAHA you sister fucking uneducated hill billy! YOU GUYS ARE FAGS!!!!! WAY TO LOSE VIETNAM, SOMALIA, and finally you guys supplied weapons to Al Quida,u guys gave them the shit they used to fuck you.... you dumb fucks! well it's been fun but your mom is really wants some more Canadian Dick

-Not a very well educated Beaver


heey another ridiculous plan, u must really be some texan redneck hillybilly, who thefuck tought u to use a computer?? .. interesting facts thou, sure we have no military, not that anyone will attack us, execpt mabye collatoral damge from attacking u, but please do try, you`ll find that mounties arnt the only resistance ull run into. u inbred sack of all american shit, to bad intelligence cannot be bought

-We wish you could buy some, Beaver


I live in Rochester, New York, and we would be happy to use our ferry to Toronto to take out all those Maple Leaf fans. Just send the word, and we can pack in about 2000 Little Leaguers. Canada has been sitting on top of the U.S. and molesting it for long enough!

-Volunteer Beaver


And, so when did NHL stand for ďdumb-ass ignorant Americans can playĒ, too? You can all bugger off and play in your remedial league (where you belong)!

-Beaver, hockey isn't everything, unless you're a beaver.


As the for Hockey night in Canada comment... While not all Canadian teams make the playoffs or win the cup on a yearly basis, Canada is still the victor! Approximately 65% of the NHL is Canadian, only 14% American. Which means that the avergae NHL team has 15 out of 22 players that are Canadian. Another thing is The Stanley Cup is given to each player to have for 3 Days.. so after it is won, It usually spends most of its time back home.. I have had the honour of kissing the cup on a few occasions.(All the other leagues(MLB, NBA, etc) do is put their Trophies behind glass for all the players to look at... what a great award!)

-Kissing Beaver


Benedict Arnold traitor? Not bloody likely! Sir Arnold is a British Patriot. He should be Canada's national hero, Standing up to the republican rabble.

-Benedict Beaver


this site rocks. canadians sucks ass and this shows their weekness

-Some Beavers did better


You're just mad because the rest of the world likes Candians......and we have hot broads!

-We thought Beavers liked Boards of wood, not Broads.


U.S could'nt take Canada then..The U.S couldn't do now... Back bone we will show you back bone and how to break yours.... Being the bully of the world just shows how spineless you realy are...

-I have a Dream, that one day, little dumb Beavers...


Making fun of canada for playing basketball too? For god sakes we invented the sport. Least we could do is play it, mind you not very well but still we have a right to.

-You have the right to remain Beaver


One of the reasons of the war of 1812 was because the American's believed in a thing called 'manifest destiny', where they thought that God had meant for them to have all of North America under one gov't, namely the American gov't.

-Manifest Beaver


The war of 1812 was not against the Canadians, but the British. Canada had still not yet received it's independace, so i think it hardly should count as an indiactor of the canadians military compantancy. the war ended in a stalemate with neither the USA or England gaining much ground, altough it further cemented our independance from England. I'd love to see the canadians come and try to burn down the White House. We dare you!

-Bring it on, Beavers


Oh my god, i have found so much errors in your writing, i am stunned. You are truly american, spawn of the truly inferior school system of the Dumbass United States of America. First of all, America doesnt have the balls to invade us. Invading Canada, gives the rest of the world a reason to attack the States. And you know it too. No one like you, no country out there likes you. Especially China, they have the biggest army on the earth. Think about it, even though the Americans have a large army, what can you do? Try and take on the whole world? US's deteriorating economy doesnt help either. So, i say bring it, and be ready to face a extremely angry globe. The world loves Canada, and hates you Americans. So BRING IT! I DARE YOU!

-Not the whole world, just you Beavers.


Ok yes, Canada did burn the White House as well as most of Washington DC but didn't we win the War of 1812? Oh I thought so.

-Good point, Beaver


I have heard a lot of canadians claim that they burnt down our white house. That was actually the English, who eventually gave away canada, because they didn't want it (who would).

-Likes Brits, not Beavers


Canada might be great if FOX News was allowed up there! Hard to believe that CNN and BBC are there but the biggest and fastest growing is not allowed. I love my trips to Canada but I don't enjoy the restrictions on the press

-Would it be called "Beaver" up there?


INFIDELS... they spell color - colour favorite - favourite, let's stop them from flaunting the over use of vowels in their whiney language.

-Beavers=Infidels


Its quite unfortunate that it was actually BRITAIN who defended its ownership of canada and BRITAIN that burned the white house

-Yet again, good Beaver.


Yes, it was tried before, and Canada burned down Washington as a result.

-Or one building, Beaver


Let's take Cunt-nada out, baby! They all live within 100miles of the US/Cuntnadian border & they're so busy being smug about not being American they will topple in no time. Their military is falling apart, so they should be easier than those cheese eating surrender monkeys over in France.

-Frogs are still easier than Beavers.


First of all, Canadians didn't burn down the white house the pre Canada BRITISH settlers burned down the white house, Canada wasn't even a country in 1812. Secondly Dudley do-right is a comic rendition inspired by a traditional intitution (mounties), a war hero would be Aurthur Currie WW1 (which started in 1914 for you uneducated yanks). Next our best ground based unit is the Leopard C1. Fourth on my list is your statement about North America, the USA was named after the continent, not the other way around, ever heard of South America, ther isn't a USA there. Oh and those Canadian who are to proud are no worst then your "proud" people.

-"I'm a Moose danm it."


You just have to love the fact that these idiots keep calling us ignorant Americans. Of course, their inability to spell words properly or to use proper grammar makes me laugh at them even more.

-Back to Beavergarden


SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF? 1. Smarties 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp 3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down 4. Baseball is Canadian 5. Lacrosse is Canadian 6. Hockey is Canadian 7. Basketball is Canadian 8. Apple pie is Canadian 9. Mr Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass 10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass 11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon MaKenzie King who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure.. 12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany. 13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone. anywhere. EVER. 14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and it lasted a little over an hour. 15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught. 16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on. 17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company. 18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes. 19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo. 20. We don't marry our kin-folk. 21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year. Oh and the black box found on Aircraft all over the world too! 22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it. 23. A Canadian invented Superman. 24. We have colured money. 25. Our beer advertisments kick ass BUT MOST IMPORTANT! 24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!! 25. And we don't bomb our allies.

-Yes, but you're still Beavers.


I just read the fan mail section. It took me about three minutes for the stupidity of most of the Canadians that made comments to sink in.
For much of the 19th century, there was general delusion in America that Canadians would gladly want to join the US, if only we could A: defeat the British or B: show them the errors of their ways. This never happened (but not for lack of trying)
The invasion of Canada during the War of 1812 was not the fault of the fighting ability of either side, but rather of administration ideology. James Madison, the president at that time, was a Jeffersonian. Thus he had a somewhat inflated belief in state militias. A very large percent of the force sent to invade Canada was made up of militiamen who either refused to leave the boundaries of their state or their country. If the Madison administration had followed military common sense and sent in more regulars the battle would have probably evolved differently.
Also, the War of 1812 was not the last time Americans invaded Canada. Since that date, there was the Caroline incident, the Aroostook War (which had lumberjacks, great fun had by all), and the Fenian Invasion. The first involved New York "hunting lodges" attacking British soldiers during a Canadian rebellion against the Brits. The second involved groups of lumberjacks (who ate butter scones and tea) and later militia units fighting for lumber rights, and the third, in the late 1868, involved Irish-American ex Union soldiers invading Canada to provide a distraction for a revolt in Ireland.
But, fortunately, none of that matters. Just in the fan mail section, one can see why the Canadians would die horribly should the US decide their existence no longer suits anyone. They say they could defeat us in any attempted invasion (no doubt due to the inherent toughness of their citizens), yet they criticize us as being "gun nuts". To make it blunt, "Hey Canuk, whatcha gonna do, throw rocks?" There was a time when Canada was inhabited by a tough people. Sadly, they are now a weakened quasi Europe, unable to make decisions of good and evil while they are in their purple haze of socialism.
And thus, instead of invading Canada, maybe we should just give them Massachusetts and parts of California. Canadians would just vote Democrat anyway, and I'm sure Massachusetts would love to no longer be in the same country as the South (aka, God's Country)
And people should have no doubts that removing Saddam was the right thing to do. As of today, are there Iraqi children being raped in front of their parents? Are there dissidents being given acid baths? Are entire villages being exterminated? Does the fear of kidnap, torture, and death by a despotic follow every Iraqi? No, because America got rid of that evil man. Iraq came in last on Freedom House's survey of freedom most years out of this decade. We have avenged the murder of at least a million and a half people. These pacifist liberals just do not like the idea of justice and good defeating evil.

-That's a smart fellow.


I agree 100% I'm with ya man.

-Another one bites the Beaver!


All right then, If you guys really think that America is great fine, i'll let u say whatever stupid things u want. But maybe what you don't understand is what Canada has brought to you. Here's a short list: Baseball, Basketball, Hockey and Lacrosse are all Canadians. Apple pie too. Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Micheal Jay Fox, Pamela Anderson and Superman was invented by a Canadian too. So you know just think about that before you dis our land.

-You could make fuel out of farts, and you'd still be Beavers


what about all the hot ass bitches from canada??? i m going to make my own web site called "save tha canadian bitches" strait up dip... PEACE!!!

-Let us know when it's up Beaver...err...your website that is


I was just looking for a porn with beavers in it, and i came here, I like beavers, thier long leather tail slaps me in the face

-Sick-O Beaver


First of all, I havenít seen beaver in over 10 years, And we donít need a military cause if anyone else attacks Canada your motherfucking tax dollars and your shit ass army will do the defending for us. And if you motherfuckers invade the only thing that will change is the flag at the high school and I wont have to look at a picture of the fucking queen anymore. Seeing as the U.S military has had a hard enough time invading small countries like Vietnam and Iraq, How in the hell are you going to take a country the size of Canada? Oh and Basket Ball was invented by a Canadian, And French is something that People In Quebec speak, Nobody in Canada Likes Quebec, so if you want that you can have it and Celine Dion who is a French Quebecer., The only reason she is famous is because Americans like her music, I couldnít give three fucks. Its not colder here, there isnít a big fucking wall of ice on the fucking border, I havenít seen snow in two years now, but I hear is snows in the States Quite often, if you want to travel to some Eskimo Village near the north pole, Iím sure you may find some cold weather and frozen beaver shit. I think you people watch to much tv cause I havenít heard anyone body say "Eh" unless the were talking about an American tv show, or website about Canada, you fucks say it more then we do, dipshit. At least we can travel the world and not worry about some Crazy Towel Head pointing an Ak-47 at our head or blowing our helicopter out of the sky, recent polls show that many most international governments believe the U.S.A will fall in the next century and believe an invasion may be necessary of the country who just happened to get a big shitload of land back in 1775 and called it the United states, "so fuck me if Iím wrong" (and you likely would) Your presidents a Hick, your military hasnít done shit except got themselves killed since WW2, and even your NBA isnít your fucking NBA, And people IN Alaska are glad to be far away cause when your fucking country goes to shit and they sound the air raid siren, they wont be anywhere near when the shit hits the fan, and the only reason it will is due to losers like you.... Suck it bitch! P.S I Grew up the States, And I hate people like you who are the reason this country will go to hell.

-Devil Beaver


"According to a World Health Organization report, life expectancy at birth in Canada is 79.8 years versus 77.3 in the US." Average american lives 77.3 longer than it should

-Fun with Grammar Beaver!


"According to a World Health Organization report, life expectancy at birth in Canada is 79.8 years versus 77.3 in the US." I take back that last tastless remark about life expectancy of an average american. And appologize for it. The whole thing has gone too far. I think that the whole f*****g world has gone crazy :( But Bush still sucks :) With such a course of Bush's actions soon you'll have even less citizen rights than an average Chinese guy. And every single citizen that recently migrated from Mexico will have more rights than you - in your own country... cccc... Ofcourse, Bush wants cheap labour force... F*****g republicans... Whenever there was a f*****g republican president, there was f*****g war!!! C'mon guys, USA used to be one of the greatest countries in the world and now... It's turnig into 21st century's 3rd reich...

-Repent Beaver, Repent


Right, you colonials, enough is enough. We're fed up of being the bad guys on your films (The Patriot), taking away our achievements in WW2 (who got the first enigma machine?) and dragging us with George's poodle Tony into a war that no-one here wanted and now you want to invade a major part of our Commonwealth. All I can say is BRING IT ON! It's high time we settled this thing once and for all. No French helping you either this time like in the 1780's either. Quebec is strictly neutral and goes to the loser. Watch out, Yankee, the Redcoats are coming back for another Whitehouse barbecue! Rockets red glare will have nothing on us this time. AND as part of the victory terms Tom Cruise will NOT be allowed to make a film about US pilots in the Battle of Britain, so there. God save the Queen, boo to George Bush.

-English Beaver


We should invade due to the Molson commercials alone. Far too anti-US!

-Bud drink'n Beaver!


The last time the US invaded Canada, the Canadians retaliated by burning Washington! Remember the movie 'The Mouse that Roared' Be careful under that Clark Kent exterior you never know what you'll find.....

-Last time we looked we found BEAVERS!


You had better not invade Canada. The last time you tried that we whopped yer ass, and we can do it again because our military still uses the same weapons.

-Logical Beaver


Absolutely love the website! I thought it was hilarious. I live in Vermont, so I know people from Canada. They have a sense of humor about stuff like this. Unlike some of the people who have posted. I say keep going and add on to the reasons!

-Send us ideas!


canada sucks donkey balls

-Or Beaver.


I was wondering where exactly Canada stands on the list of countries you plan on invading? Also, will you be using your regular MO of: invade a country without consent from the rest of the world, then create civil unrest, shoot all the inhabitants, and finally, take the oil to help supply the invasion of the next country.

-John Kerry the Beaver


i am a southern american but no not a redneck. i have many friends that are canadians and i love them dearly. but this site was great. thay agreed with almost everything on the site. and to all those people who through a fuss. these people aren't representing us all. although i do agree. any way i loved it!

-Bring along the Beaver


you show up and i'll be the first one to stop the invasion of the brain deads

-Kamikaze Beaver


Hat your site. Actually, I don't...just wanted to wake you up from snooze mode. You make some good arguments. One that you've missed, however, is how annexation of Canada could help the USA bumper-sticker industry. Instead of pumping out stupid stuff like "I <heart> Baseball" we could legitimately produce more colorful items, such as "I <club> Baby Seals". The opportunities are boundless!

-Clubbing Seals and Beavers since 1992


You're getting as bad as France. Not only have they not won a battle. But, you should remember, 1812. Little Big Horn, Vietnam, and of course your educational system.

-Beaver compares us to the French?


Wow, judging by the map, you actually know where Canada is. This puts you in the top 14% of Americans in terms of geopolitical intelligence. PS Can you please ask your government to stop murdering women and children throughout the world, myself and about 5 billion others in the world are starting to get really really annoyed about it. Sooner or later, the North Koreans or the Chinese or someone else is going to seriously f*** with you and why should we Canadians have to deal with the radiation fall out from down South. So get your act together.

-Thanks for the well-wishes Beaver


Like good neighbours, we like you, respect you, even admire much about you. But stay on your own property until you're invited!

-We're invited.


I just had a great time reading all this! Being Canadian I found it really funny.

-Gracias Beaver


Correct me if I'm wrong (I'm not, though), but Canada didn't exist in 1812, so how did Canadians burn the White House? That was England (the most powerful empire on earth at the time), you ignorant snots.

-Technically true


YOU FUCKING ASSHOLED AMERICANS NEED TO BE FUCKING SHOT FOR SAYING SHIT LIKE THAT!youres just a buncha loser rednecks with nothing else better to do than fuck your ''kin folk'' and screw your dogs up the ass cuz youre so obsessed with sex..FACE IT CANADA IS THE BEST! We know how to PARTY we have FUN we love oneanother we dont kill eachother for no reason...we dont have damn KKK, BLOODS N CRIPS...or however the HELL u wanna spell it...haha we own your ass;) WERE HOT AND YOURE NOT!!! everybody loves us we dont have the whole world HATING YOU like the US!!! haha buncha HILLBILLIE HICK BASTARDS need to get a life!! Cuz quite frankly, we Canadians are looking at these posts right now, laughing our asses off, drinking beer in a peacefull country!!! LOVE YOU ALL EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

-Dean Beaver


The last thing America should do is invade Canada. First, who wants a big French population? Talk about damage to the gene pool. Second, the last thing we need is Canadians voting in our elections. Combine the Canadians with our looney left, and in 20 years, we'd be like Canada.Third, Canada is just too cold.
Now this site has offended many Canadians. As a gesture of friendship, and to make amends, I say we give Puerto Rico to Canada. They need someplace that warm. They can even change the name if they want - maybe Puerto Canada or Nova Rico.

-Beavers are just another word for...


GREAT WORK AHAHAHAHAHA

-Maniacal Beaver


ya, it seems to me that Canadians like to pull the "we burnt the white house" and the "we play hockey" a little to much. just as a reminder, who was here first? ya, that's right, AMERICA, sucka! also, someone called Americans "yankees" how canadian stupid can you be! yankees will just get it started, and then all the drunk renecks from the south will just come in, and blow your freeking heads away cuz you'd be in the way of a prized moose (so that means youd be less than a moose).... anyhow, Canada really needs to stop whinning, and let America take over, because, lets face it, Rome was way cool, and so is America, so why wouldn't you want "Way Cool" ruling you. so, all this in short to say that a sober Canada would get the tag beat out of it by a drunk oregon 90 year ol'lady with a walker cuz it's such a weeny. Have fun Canada while you can, cuz you've blown all your brains out already from Hockey, so really, we'll just whipe the teach off the floor, and put the American flag down nicely. Cheers queers.

-Drunk 90 year old Beaver Lady


Rite this minute im mobilzing my tanks to invade see you on the news

-We'll be watching for you


I think what we learned here today is that the Canadian is a small, furry creature that responds instinctively by burning houses when provoked, much like the common beaver.